


Like She was The Sun

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 08:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11710314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: Eliza, sugar and wildflowers and glitter falling in chandelier lit rooms Eliza, was like a star, burning through the night. Everyone saw her shining, but she never noticed, never seemed to care about anyone else. She loved her family and she loved her friends and that was enough for her and Maria was grateful to be included in such an exclusive group of people. To be loved by Eliza in any sense was enough for her, she just wished she knew. Then Maria could stop feeling like a liar when she hadn't said anything at all.Cold air hit Maria as Eliza rolled over to her other side, and Maria blinked as tears fell from her eyes.





	Like She was The Sun

Saturday afternoons, the sun pouring into the mall food court from the sky light above them, basking Eliza in a warm summer glow. Her hair fell across her shoulders and over the back of the chair, eyes closed as she drank a strawberry banana smoothie that was the same color as her sweatshirt. She had three ear piercings in each ear, the stones glittering in the light. Maria stared at her, picking at the fake nails she just got done hours ago.   
  
"I love coming to the mall," Eliza said, and Maria cleared her throat, sat up straighter.   
  
"Same," she mumbled. Eliza opened her eyes.   
  
"Are you okay? We can leave if you want, you don't have to stay here just because you're with me."   
  
"Well, first of all, I can't, because you're my ride home. Second of all, I'm fine, really, I just phased out for a second."   
  
Eliza smiled like honey and sugar and the flowers she liked picking so much. "That's good, but I do want to leave soon. We need to be at the movie theater early if we want to catch all the previews."   
  
"I don't know why you like watching the previews, don't you get annoyed that there's so many ads in front of the think you actually want to see?"   
  
Eliza stood up, throwing away the empty paper french fry basket and sweeping the salt off the table. Her nails were painted denim blue, the same color of her jean jacket. Maria wondered if she planned everything like this, if she would only wear pink and blue until the paint started chipping, and then she would paint them something else and dress accordingly.   
  
"No, because I have patience, unlike _some people_ ." Her eyes darted around as they started to walk out, settling on Maria. Maria laughed and nudged her, Eliza joining. She tried to ignore the firework feeling in her chest when Eliza swung her arm around Maria's shoulder as they walked out, but it still made her heart race.   
  
\---   
  
The soft fabric of Eliza's bedspread, blue and yellow and navy paisley patterns swirling across the expanse of the bed. The ceiling fan light reflecting off of the shiny mahogany floors, gleaming on the wood of Eliza's dresser. There were clothes _everywhere_ , discarded and thrown on every available chair in the room. Photos of Eliza and her siblings were dotted around, on her desk, her bedside table. A picture of her and Maria was next to one of her and her younger siblings, and Maria smiled.   
  
"Okay, how's this for autumn wardrobe?" She asked, coming out of her walk in closet and twirling, striking a pose in front of the bed.   
  
The first thing Maria noticed were the _jeans_ . They were high waisted, almost too high, cut off at her mid shin, and worst of all, there were plastic windows over her knees, for no reason whatsoever. Other than that the outfit wasn't that bad, burgundy v-neck shirt tucked in, gold necklace Eliza always wore dangling.   
  
Maria was speechless.   
  
Eliza dropped her arms. "That bad?"   
  
"You look nice," Maria managed, blushing. "It's just, why? I mean, the jeans, like." She gestured vaguely.   
  
"I thought they were cute! They have a weird 'it's so ugly but I love them anyway' vibe, y'know?"   
  
"Sure? I mean, I like them, they're just weird. In a good way!" She was quick to add. "In a good way."   
  
"Thanks," Eliza grinned, then returned to her closet. Maria watched her go before collapsing back on the pillows, navy blue silk that felt cool against her skin. She was so tired, could fall asleep right there.   
  
The lights shut off in the closet, then the bedroom. Eliza climbed into bed next to her, now in pajamas, moving carefully as to not wake Maria, who wasn't asleep. Eliza smelled like vanilla and lemon and Maria could get high on it, on Eliza's personality and her smile and the way her hair tickled Maria's arms and gave her goosebumps.   
  
"Goodnight," Eliza whispered, and Maria tried not to smile.   
  
\---   
  
The warmth underneath the comforter, early morning streaming in the dark blues and pinks of sunrise. Heavy footsteps in the hallway accompanied by the lighter footsteps of a small child, making their way down the stairs. Lemon and vanilla filled the air, along with the steady sound of Eliza breathing. Silk pillowcases and matching sheets under Maria's skin, her hair combed back behind her.   
  
Mornings were terrible in general, but something about sunrise always hurt more. Sunrises managed to tug at Maria's heartstrings in a way nothing else did. Another sunset passed, another day and night spun by, and still she said nothing. She had so many opportunities but never the words, never the nerves. It felt like she was drowning in everything she didn't say.   
  
Eliza, sugar and wildflowers and glitter falling in chandelier lit rooms Eliza, was like a star, burning through the night. Everyone saw her shining, but she never noticed, never seemed to care about anyone else. She loved her family and she loved her friends and that was enough for her and Maria was _grateful_ to be included in such an exclusive group of people. To be loved by Eliza in any sense was enough for her, she just wished she _knew_ . Then Maria could stop feeling like a liar when she hadn't said anything at all.   
  
Cold air hit Maria as Eliza rolled over to her other side, and Maria blinked as tears fell from her eyes.   
  
\---   
  
Eliza didn't like football. She once told Maria she would rather watch paint dry than sit and watch a football game, and the fact that her brother, who she loved dearly, played the horrid game made exasperated her to no end. She was proud of him, because he was good, and it would help him get into college when he was older, but being a good sister also meant supporting him at these games, which brought them here.   
  
Maria balanced a bottle of water and a hot dog in her hands as she walked up the creaky bleacher steps. Eliza saved Maria a seat next to her, Angelica squished in between her and Peggy on her other side. She managed to sit down, and Eliza looked over at her.   
  
"Oh my god," Eliza said, taking the food from Maria while she sorted everything out, taking off her purse and setting it down in between them. "You could've asked me for help! What if you fell or something?"   
  
"I wouldn't have to be here at this terrible event and the mosquitos wouldn't be eating me alive." She handed Eliza the cookies she bought and then took her own food back. Eliza laughed and Angelica nudged her.   
  
"The game is starting," she told her, and Eliza groaned.   
  
"Kill me." She looked over at maria, brown eyes gleaming under the bright lights. Her bug bites itched but they didn't matter anymore. Eliza glanced down at Maria's lips and she thought she might burst into flames.   
  
Loud cheering interrupted them, and Eliza turned to see her brother run out onto the field as the team was announced. Maria sat there dazed until the game started, the loud shouting of people objecting to _whatever_ was happening below them bringing her back to earth. Eliza was red, all the way down her neck and up to her ears. Maria noticed there was a little marker dot on the top of her ear where she planned to get her cartilage piercing. If Eliza was any cuter it would kill her.   
  
"I don't," Eliza whispered, "I don't understand one god damned thing happening right now." She stared at one of the players as he took someone on the opposing team by the legs and flipped him over, sending him crashing down onto the muddy field.   
  
"Can he do that?" Maria asked.   
  
Eliza shook her head. "I don't, I don't know."   
  
Some people yelled and other players fought on the field, a kid got taken out after his ankle bent a direction ankles should _definitely_ not go. Eliza screamed when she saw it.   
  
"I can't do this, I'm going to buy snacks. I need a comfort food."   
  
"Get me a soda!" Angelica called, and Eliza shot finger guns at her.   
  
The game passed by in a rush of adrenaline and confusion on Maria's side, and it wasn't until everyone started standing up and complaining about how unfair the other team was being, that Maria realized two things. One, that their team lost. Two, that Eliza never came back after she went to get food. She didn't think much of it, Eliza had left football games before to go get stuff from her car or something, but she usually always made sure to be back so she could congratulate her brother on playing.   
  
"She never got me my soda," Angelica complained, and Maria chuckled.   
  
She eventually found Eliza talking to the kid who writes a handful of articles for the school newspaper. She smiled at him, bright and lovely, nodded along to something he said. Maria just watched, couldn't find it in her to go over there and interrupt what looked like an already engaged conversation. Alex seemed to be reaching for something in the messenger bag on his lap, Eliza watching him.   
  
"Who is that?" Maria questioned once Angelica walked up next to her, soda now in her hand.   
  
"Alex Hamilton, writes a shit ton of stuff for the school newspaper, but I didn't think he'd be here. He usually tries to stay away from the sports games, hates them almost as much as Eliza does."   
  
"Right."   
  
"Hey," Eliza greeted as she walked over, a small piece of paper now in her hand. Eliza was short enough that Maria could see the piece of paper without straining. Her heart sunk in her chest.   
  
It was his phone number, his name and a cheesy little winky face scrawled above it.   
  
Oh.   
  
\---   
  
Mud under her sneakers and the roar of a crowd on either side of her, the cold chill of a September night blowing across what little skin she had revealed. The cracked face paint across her cheeks as she smiled at the girl in front of her, vicious. Eliza was next to her with the football in between her knee as she tied her hair up. She hated football, but powderpuff was a whole other story.   
  
Their school did not have girl's football team, but they did have powderpuff for one game each year within their own school. It was one of the most anticipated events of the year, and Maria _loved_ it. She didn't understand a fucking thing about football, just knew that the girl in front of her _was not allowed_ to pass her. Other than that, she had no clue, the ball was supposed to go _somewhere_ and do _something_ and someone had to bring it there or maybe multiple people could do it? Who knew.   
  
"You ready?" Eliza asked her, and Maria looked over. Their face paint matched each other.   
  
"As I'll ever be."   
  
The whistle blew and Maria went, a blur of the other team's shirt colors and a mouthful of some girl's pigtail and people were screaming louder than ever. Maria pushed the girl back, Martha, she thought her name was. She was much smaller than Maria, which made it easier, but she moved quicker too. She spun them around so quick Maria staggered backwards and Martha pushed through, but she was quick to recover, chasing after her and pulling her back.   
  
The game kept on, and Maria already knew she was going to be sore as fuck tomorrow. She was the only one left from the people who started, which probably meant she was doing good, but it also meant her legs were about to give out.  
  
Eliza ran off the field and over to her siblings, who quickly dispersed as Alex showed up, grinning at her like she was the sun. Maria understood, but she didn't like it.     
  
They switched positions on the field, or whatever people called it, and now Maria had to be the one to get through someone pushing her. Someone blew the whistle just as Eliza wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders and pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek. Maria didn't register anything else except for a pair of hands digging into her shoulders and pushing her down in the mud and everything going black.   
  
"I'm so sorry!" Was the first thing she heard when she woke up, front a small girl in braids standing in front of her. Maria laid on the bench at the side of the field, with Eliza kneeling next to her, Alex at her side.   
  
"It's alright," Maria groaned. "I wasn't paying attention, you were good. My shoulders might bruise tomorrow, but you're good." The girl grinned and then dashed away, and Maria almost felt bad.   
  
Eliza held her arm, fingers digging in but not enough to hurt. "Are you alright?"   
  
"Yeah, I don't know what happened. I shouldn't have gone down that easy should I have?"   
  
"It doesn't matter, you did a lot out there." Eliza did her best to try and hug her. "Oh my god, I almost had a heart attack! I was terrified when you went down! You should've seen it, you just _dropped_ . I was scared you died or something!"   
  
"Well, I'm glad your heart is okay," Maria muttered and Eliza laughed, concern lacing its edges. There were tears in her eyes, she felt terrible for scaring her that much.   
  
"Thank you." Eliza hugged Maria again, and the scent of aerosol hair glitter invaded her every sense.   
  
\---   
  
The ache in her legs, the stain of the face paint on her skin that she couldn't wash of even in the shower. The feeling of Eliza's fingers combing through her washed hair, the rub of Eliza's shirt against the back of Maria's neck. Her heart pounding in her chest at how close they were, the sound broadcast into the loudest speakers and heard by nobody but her.   
  
"I think Alex likes me," Eliza told her, and Maria tried to steady her breathing.   
  
"That's cute. Do you like him?"   
  
Her hands halted in Maria's hair. "I don't know."   
  
"Do you think he's going to do anything about it?"   
  
"I don't know."   
  
"Are _you_ going to do something about it?"   
  
"I don't _know_ . I mean, I like hanging out with him. He's funny, nice, actually laughs at my jokes."   
  
"Hey! I laugh at your jokes."   
  
"Because I'm fucking hilarious," Eliza said. Maria laughed, blaring in the emptiness and darkness of the room.   
  
"True, true."   
  
"When I'm with him, though, I just feel happy. He makes me happy, but I don't know if it's in like a friend way or a _boyfriend_ way, and I'm confused and I don't know what to do."   
  
Maria rolled over on her stomach and readjusted so she was fully on the bed. She shivered as her wet hair, cold now, dragged against her shoulders. Eliza stared at her, and Maria could barely see her but she knew.   
  
"Why don't you sleep on it? Then you can decide in the morning."   
  
Eliza nodded and they climbed under the covers, cuddling together and falling asleep, powderpuff draining their energy.   
  
Maria wanted to be a good friend, wanted to make sure Eliza was as happy as she could be, because she deserved that and nothing less than that, but her heart broke as she thought of it. Eliza being happy with someone else was something Maria almost expected, but never wanted to live through until now.   
  
Maybe Alex and Eliza wouldn't get together. Maybe Maria could stay oblivious for a little while longer.   
  
\---   
  
Eliza's instagram, a pastel fever dream with splashes of bolder colors here and there when Maria made appearances. The dark feeling in her chest as Alex's face made its way into more and more pictures. Them at the mall, at the park, everywhere they could go within a driving distance, they went, and Eliza came home with stories she poured out in detail to Maria, blush on her cheeks and her laughter in her voice.   
  
Maria was _happy_ for Eliza. She was. She wasn't, under any circumstances, jealous, and she _certainly_ wasn't bitter about it. She wasn't still mourning all the chances she had to tell Eliza and didn't, because that would childish. It would be pathetic and she'd totally moved on anyway.   
  
She would keep lying like this until she believed something the told herself.   
  
The city skyline in the distance and the rocks digging into the palms of Maria's hands underneath the thin picnic blanket. The slightly dangerous feeling of their legs dangling over a cliffside, her heart racing as Eliza sat next to her. She just got finished telling a story about something Alex did, but the smile faded from her face as she came back to reality.   
  
"Do you love him?"   
  
Eliza didn't answer, shuddering as she exhaled. "I think he loves me."   
  
Maria took off her jacket and laid it on Eliza. The dark purple contrasted to the mint color of her dress, two colors beautiful on their own working together in a lovely way.   
  
"That isn't what I asked."   
  
"I have to get back soon," is what she answered instead. "It's my brother Phil's birthday in two days, and my dad wants me home by midnight every night this week so I can pull my weight in preparing. You should come, by the way, the party is at two on Sunday."   
  
"Sure. Will Alex be there?"   
  
Eliza stood and offered Maria her hand before heaving her up. "He might drop by."   
  
"Okay."   
  
"So you'll come?"   
  
"Sure."   
  
Eliza kissed her cheek, and Maria was on fire. She'd never _done that_ before. "Great!"   
  
Her heart misplaced in her chest, lungs too small for the air she had to breathe in, body too small for the situations she was in. Eliza sang along to songs on the radio, songs about love and happiness and Maria blinked tears away when she was focused on the road. This was stupid. _Get it together_ .   
  
She just had to get it the fuck together.   
  
\---   
  
Maria took a deep breath and walked through the open front door of Eliza's house, smoothing down the fabric of her pastel turquoise dress skirt. Eliza said pastels, and the only thing she owned that fit that criteria was a dress from years ago she once wore to a wedding with a dress code, and while she still fit into it, it was riding quite _high_ on her thighs. She threw on a wrap to make it look better, but she didn't think it worked. Eliza said she had a necklace Maria could wear, and she just prayed it drew attention away from everything else.   
  
"Maria!" Angelica greeted. "You look wonderful!"   
  
Maria felt her face heat. "Thank you. Do you know where Eliza is?"   
  
"Yeah, she's upstairs. Be careful, though, I think something happened last night."   
  
Maria rushed up the stairs immediately, opening the door to Eliza's room without even thinking. She gasped, dropping the string of pearls she held in her hands and sending the necklace skittering across the floor, stopping at Maria's feet. She bent down to get them. Did she actually pick _those_ shoes to wear to this?   
  
"I think you dropped these," Maria muttered, and Eliza sighed, gripping the edge of her dresser, shoulders heaving as she panted.   
  
"You scared the shit out of me!" She yelled, laughing now. Her hand slapped over her mouth as soon as she saw the open door. "Fuck, they probably heard me curse downstairs."   
  
Maria went over and shut the door. "What are you still doing up here? The party started twenty minutes ago."   
  
Eliza didn't answer, just took the necklace gently from Maria's hands and motioned for her to turn around. Maria obeyed, turning, heart racing as the pearls rolled across her skin, as Eliza struggled to clip it in the back. Maria could feel her breathing on her neck, she just hoped Eliza didn't notice the goosebumps it gave her.   
  
"Angelica told me something happened last night."   
  
Eliza fumbled and ended up flicking Maria in the back of the neck by accident. "Sorry! Sorry!"   
  
"It's okay. Do you want to talk about it?"   
  
"No, it's nothing," Eliza said. "I just broke up with Alex."  Maria would've turned if the physical act of doing so wouldn't strangle her to death.   
  
"You _what_ ?"   
  
Eliza clipped the necklace finally and Maria whirled around, too close to Eliza but neither of them seemed to mind.   
  
"I thought about what you asked me, about me loving Alex. I _do_ love him, but as more of a friend then as a boyfriend. He was nice! He was so nice and _so_ smart with phenomenal kissing skills, but he wasn't my type. It was mutual, I think he had a crush on his friend, Hercules, for a while, and I'm going to help him get the courage to ask him out one of these days."   
  
"That's good that you can still stay friends, and that you're so supportive of him liking someone else when you just got out of your relationship."   
  
Eliza laughed and nodded. "Yeah. It was nice dating Alex, but I don't think I ever wanted him as much as I wanted-" she stopped, taking a sharp breath and looking down at the floor. "Your shoes are cute," she told her.   
  
"Wanted who?" Maria asked, trying to smirk and act like she was a smug friend and not at all heartbroken.   
  
"No, it's nothing. It doesn't really matte-"   
  
"Eliza, I'm your best friend. You can trust me to keep all your secrets, including your secret crushes."   
  
"Okay, but," she looked up at her, gulping, "once I tell you about this crush, I'm not sure I _want_ to keep it secret."   
  
Maria furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait, what?"   
  
"It'll be easier to show you."   
  
"Okay?" Maria expected Eliza to pick up her phone and show her the social media profile of someone they knew, not the strawberry lip gloss flavored kiss she actually received. Eliza's hands were holding the back of her neck as she kissed her, and Maria held her at the waist, hoping she didn't wrinkle the delicate pink fabric of Eliza's dress.   
  
Eliza kissed like it was the last time she ever would, and maybe she did think that. Maybe she thought this was the first and last time she would ever do this, that Maria would break away and storm out of the house, leaving Eliza alone with the ruins of their friendship. She kissed Maria like she needed to _remember_ it, like she was trying to remember each and every of Maria's lips so she would never forget.   
  
"Eliza," Maria managed to get out, and she jumped away like Maria shocked her.   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
She shook her head. "No! No, don't be. _Definitely_ do not apologize for that, ever, in your life ever. It's just," her hands flailed, "the party, downstairs. Your family is going to notice you're missing."   
  
"I don't _care_ . I don't even want to go to the party. Catherine is six, she probably won't even remember that much of this when she's older. I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life."   
  
"Come," Maria gestured towards herself, "come here."   
  
Eliza all but tackled her as she reconnected their lips, hands on her jaw this time, and Maria leaned into it as much as she could. This was everything she dreamed of for years now, it almost felt like a dream.   
  
"Can we go out later tonight? Like, on a date?" Eliza asked when they parted to breathe.   
  
"I would love that."   
  
\---   
  
Eliza's bedroom bathed in the bright lights of the nearby city. Cars honked and passed by but they didn't disturb either of them, cuddled up together underneath the covers. Dresses discarded on the ground, pastel colored chiffon and silk in heaps on dark mahogany. Shorts overflowing out of a dresser drawer from where Maria recklessly rummaged through it trying to find something to wear, drawer of sweatshirts almost bursting at the seams from its unrest.   
  
"You're my favorite person," Eliza whispered. "I'm glad this worked out how it did."  
  
Maria kissed the back of her neck. "Me too."   
  
Silence passed between them and the city filled the space in between words. Maria shrunk away if only a little bit, heart in her throat.   
  
"I think I love you," she admitted. Eliza froze.   
  
"I _know_ I love you."   
  
Maria wiped tears out of her eyes. "Wow, oh my god. I love you too. Holy shit."   
  
A clock approaching midnight, lights turned off but them still visible. Laughter bouncing off walls and echoing. Somebody pounding on the ceiling above them because _not everybody is up at this time of night, thank you_ very _much_ . Hushing and quieter giggling and the sound of kissing that nobody could hear but the two of them. Jokes traded and pillows used to muffle the sound of the almost _ugly_ cackling so nobody would come in.   
  
Maria and Eliza, lying next to each other, a clock approaching three now. Sluggish movements and half asleep presses of lips against shoulders or wherever they could reach. This was a dream come true, this was heaven on earth and the feeling of peace.   
  
This was love.

**Author's Note:**

> !!!
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


End file.
